Talking about MYSELF.(200 days)

When I decided to become an exchang student it was for  a lot of reasons, but after being here I learned wich ones are my real motives to be here, to be wath I'm  now, and to risk it all. A big part of this year is about finding myself, understanding myself, knowing myself, technically is the most selfish year of my life because it's about myself, the first thing that a lot of exchange students answer when someone ask them "why ?" is "because I want to learn a new culture"..That was my answerd too, and probably when I don't want to explain I'll say the same thing, but now I think about it and I was really wrong, YES I want to learn a new culture, a new language, but it's not just about that, it's also about yourself, or, well, myself. I've change, I've grow up, and I've feel like the smallest baby in this world, I've been a duck in the ocean (I know what I mean). Sometimes it's hard and others is really easy. I've find happiness and sadness, company and loneniless, words and pure silence, real smiles and fake smiles, I've found all of this just in myself and in my environment. When the duck is in the lagoon, is just a duck, when the duck is in the ocean...What the fuck is doing there?
I read in my last post that I try to don't do some stuff that I used because danish people doesn't, and after talking with one of my classmates  weeks ago I noticed that I was making a hugh mistake, I was stoping to be myself just because I wasn't sure of how my new friends will react, hugh mistake, so now I try to don't stop been me, it's difficult sometimes, because I really don't know how to and I feel so tired of trying, but I'll not quit just because I'm tired, there are soooo many things that I just don't understand. I'm not alone in  this country, the people always ask me "and you came alone to Denmark?" in a way I did, but now, I'm not alone anymore, it happens to me that I have my exchange students friends, but for me they are  Chile, they are a piece of Chile in Denmark, even when they aren't chileans, that's what they mean to me, also I have all the amazing danish people that I've meet, some of them are difficult to get to know, but once that the hugh wall in front of them start to fall everything turns better :)
Sometimes even with all the people that is around me I feel like no one is there, everyone have their own life and maybe I'm invited to go  in, but I'm not there, islike  feeling alone when you are in the middle of a crowd, that's nobody's fault, not even mine, because most of the time I feel surrounded of people who wants to meet me, people asking how am I, and everyones knows that I'm fine or doing it great and it's true, but not everyday it's like that, if I'm in silence and not smiling you can ask, I'll say the truth becuase it's really easy to know when something goes wrong with me, a friend  doesn't treat you like a helpless baby, they treat you like a friend, that you care of, but doesn't feel sorry for them.

To survive in the danish society first of all you have to be pacient, I was used that after 5 minuts talking with someone we will look like best friends, making jokes and laughing really loud, cause I'm a really noisy person, but here it takes time, here you have to give the first step. Ussually I have no filter, wich sometimes is not good, but I think , here, for me, have been really useful, because I have showed to some of them that I don't bite, that I just want them to say "hello!" or "bye" , I'm just asking them for the easist thing, but also to the ones that I feel more "confortable" I will just ask to them for a hug, because here you have to say what you want or need to get it.. Hugh mistakes is wait for the people to realize what do you want when you haven't even open your mouth to ask for it.

I'm happy. I feel that my exchange year have been worth it, the only thing right now that I really want to improve is my danish, now, finally I feel ready to give the big step of talking more danish, or at least trying, it is hard for me, I think it is principally because in Chile we make fun of everything, even more of the mistakes, and I'm afraid of feeling embarrassed, but guess what! Danish people have a really good attitude when you try to learn their language, even if you sound really stupid, they will be happy to correct you or teach you :)

Thank you for reading.

Venecia*Isabel